I recently had one of the most absolutely important days of my life. Giving my daughter away. Now, I just learned this recently that apparently at a lot of weddings the bride will have a private “first look” with her husband to be. Misha asked that I have this honour and her man-to-be (Simon) would see her for the first time as I walk her down the aisle.
I hesitated sharing this because I don’t want to come across as braggy or show off(ey).
I’m sharing this because I love seeing honour. I love being able to respect pain in the middle of joy.
My daughter chose to get married on the anniversary of her mama and I… and even chose to wear her mama’s dress! It was so overwhelming to see my sweet angel in her glory. To hear and see the nervousness in her body. To know that she wanted to do this all right. Honouring her mama. Dealing with and feeling the pain of the lack of her mama here to celebrate her on her wedding day.
And yet, she did it with such grace.
One of the things I ask almost all of my friends and clients when they feel free to share some emotion is, “What are those tears saying… if they could talk”.
Well, my tears would say to Misha, “You did it. You overcome and have chosen to deal with the loss of your mama and still you chose trust in God. In the plan – in the bigger picture. And you’re still able to find joy and peace in the struggle.”
They are tears of pride.
And also grief.
To feel the weight of the loss in one of the most important days of your life. You chose peace. You chose honour. And this is all such a beautiful lesson… that just because something shitty happened to you, doesn’t mean it has to destroy you.
My daughter has chosen hope. And that makes me so proud. Because I believe that there can arise beauty from pain.
One of my good buds always drops this phrase “it’s not happening to you… it’s FOR you”. And with that perspective I can see the joy in both the pain and ache of your ultimate desire but also experience the joy in what is. This is what is.
And this day for me (actually the whole week) was an absolute dream with some hard emotions. Letting go. Not that I don’t trust her new partner but it’s the reality that she is now connected (eternally I hope) with another man. My daughter and son and I will never be the “3 musketeers” together. That’s a loss.But I accept the loss and bless the new union. And I trust. I trust that everything will be figured out. Just because it’s painful right now doesn’t mean it can’t change around. Beauty can arise from ashes. You can’t control anyone. But you can CHOOSE to be grateful for what you have.
And I experienced loss but also gained a new family which I am grateful for.
What can YOU be grateful for today?
Here are some of the lyrics to the first dance we did…
A Fathers Song (by Allen Stone)
I’m just a father who’s learning his own way
All I can offer is exactly what my daddy would say
That I failed but always tried
And I did some wrong things and apologized
And showed you what it’s like to forgive
And I gave you space but wouldn’t leave
I’m still a safe place for you to grieve
When you get lost please remember this
A father’s love knows where you live
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