HEAL – new album release

Nothing like breaking your back and a breakup to spawn a new tune. Yes, I fractured 4 vertebrae (T1-T4) mountain biking in September 2023 just a couple of weeks after a breakup with a woman I loved. I was in the Emergency room waiting to find out from the doctor if I needed to have surgery after a 4 hour ambulance ride from where I was riding. After the CT scan, the doc handed me a taxi voucher and said I was free to go home without surgery as long as I could walk. I asked him if there were any special instructions to which he replied with a line that inspired this song, “Let pain be your guide”.

I was also inspired by several conversations and a documentary called “E-motion” that some buddies (thanks Eric Vivian & Lara Yanik) shared with me. “Would You” is part prayer, part intention, but most importantly a brutally honest look at the condition of my heart after a breakup and literally breaking my friggin’ back. It’s coming from a place of wanting to heal all of the “stuff” that continues to show up in my life… things like loneliness and insecurity…

When I was super young I’d always think or say things like, “As soon as I’m older, I won’t have to deal with that anymore” or “As soon as I have kids or am married or have that job…” or whatever. And then you get “there” and yes, you’re different but still have some of the same struggles & thoughts. This song is an honest look at that along with a search for hope along the way.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• What comes up for you when you watch / listen to this song? Is there something relatable that moves you?

• If PAIN IS YOUR GUIDE, what is the pain guiding or inviting you towards?

I can’t change the things that happened No one ever will
I’ve been trying to keep my wandering eyes
Focused on the hill
Of hope and healing heartache and long forgotten dreams
And how to find connection in the spaces in between

CHORUS
We all know – what we know what we know what we know
We all feel
Would you be my validation when I am insecure
Would you be my compass when direction is unsure
Would you fill these lonely places that no one else can see
So I can rise above to where my broken self won’t be

I think I found my people – the ones that make amends
The ones that help you see the other side when there’s an end
The kind of light-heart jokers who can smile through the pain
They know the kind of joy that no one else can take away

Would you stay because I hate it when you leave
I can’t wait but I’ll let pain be my guide – in your hope I’ll hide

Would you be my validation – I am insecure
Would you be my compass when direction is unsure
Would you fill these lonely places that no one else can see
So I can rise above to where my broken self won’t be
Yes I will rise about to where my broken self won’t be

Every year, I come up with a “WORD FOR THE YEAR”. In 2022 I chose “ALIGN” which was to serve as a gracious reminder for me to live aligned to my values… and there were times throughout that year where I was a little off course. This song was a way for me to bring myself back.

Check out this Song & Rants about the 5 regrets of the dying and how this is tied to alignment…

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• When have you felt the most “ALIGNED” in your life… as in, aligned to your values and living in a way that is in line with Do you have any regrets?
• If you could go back in time and have a do-over with one situation, what would you do differently?

One step at a time
With grace on my side
I’m learning to fly from the inside

How sweet it is to know where I’m going

Who do I need to become
I’m letting go of what I’ve done
I will hold on to where you call
I will follow… align

Hear the footsteps of the past
Chase me down the hall
Will I run too fast
Or be able to crawl Into freedom – I am falling

Tender heart is like the summer skies
Some are blue and some are smoky white
I wanna breathe the air that gives me life
I will follow align

This is who I have become
I have let go of all I’ve done
I’m holding on to where you call
I will follow… align

I actually wrote this tune with a coaching client who showed up to the session and didn’t feel like she had the emotional capacity to dive into any life topics. She said, “Can we just write a song together or something?” We then spent the next several sessions writing “TIDE” as a way to reflect on some of the work we had done together… specifically around the topic of pain and vulnerability.

PS – I now offer a SONGWRITING ADVENTURE as a coaching service for my clients… and you don’t have to be musical. We co-write a song based on the topic you choose.

“But did I die though?”

This has got to be one my favourite bumper stickers I’ve seen lately… allow me to explain. I had a little bit of a “thing” happen late Sept. 2023. Not that I started down the trail on my bike with the intention of hitting a tree going mach chicken, but there I was. Went from super fun to super gasping for air, a little loss of memory, and a “CODE RED” ambulance ride 3.5 hours back home with the possibility of needing back surgery. Alas, here I am. Alive. With a minimum of 2 fractured vertebrae (T3 & T4 for you nerds with a possibly T1 & T2 also cooked). But I’m walking. In pain and stiff… but I didn’t need surgery and I didn’t die. Super neat. 

And, with anything in life, there is gold to be found in the darkest of times. In sickness. In accidents. In all of it. Check out this 27th episode of Song & Rants as I explore the benefits of pain and getting injured.

In the echo of the mourning sparrows sing their song
On the edge of the coastline the seawall keeps me strong
Now the new moon is rising Waves are crashing at my door
A broken shell that reminds me Don’t let go

What if I walk too close to the shore and the tide rolls in
I’ll never know what’s under the water – under the water
Leave me your shells, and I’ll give you a home

By the flooded coastal armor where fear and faith collide
Lying naked in the shallows – the sun and moon align

Now the wreckage inside me
Breaks an inlet to the sea
Beauty lands all around me and sets you free

Open hands come and leave Breathe – Breathe

Now when you pass that place on the shore
and the tide rolls again, don’t run away
Trust in the water
leave me your shells and I’ll give you a home
Trust in the water – Trust in the Water
Leave me your shells, and I’ll give you a home

Near the end of my second marriage, I was desperately trying to whisk up hope. Hope for our relationship. Hope that my life could be peaceful again. Hope that this marriage wouldn’t be so bloody painful. 

One fall afternoon, as I was riding my motorbike on a high, windy road above Okanagan Lake at life-threatening speeds, I had this fleeting thought: What if I just crank my handlebar and end it? The fact that I even HAD that thought scared me into picturing what would actually happen if I kicked the bucket … and eventually led to the inspiration for this song.

The verses are written for my kids—instructions on what to do with my remains when I have left this earth. The chorus is a conversation between God and me as a bit of a prophetic anthem to my soul to have hope.

The ache of losing my dad (2008) and then my first wife of 16 years to cancer (2014) has left scars for me and our two kids that we are still discovering. I am learning how to properly and fully grieve. How to heal. How to forgive. And the most beautiful thing about these discoveries is that I am not alone.

One night as a couple of my bros and I were hanging out in a hot tub, my buddy Seth quoted a short passage out of a book he was reading, and as he spoke one of the lines, “gentle redirection,” I was instantly brought to tears. This perspective is one that I am choosing to hang on to as one that resonates with my heart and with the heart of God to all who are working through painful stories of loss, rejection, and distrust.

I hope that my story will inspire your story; you are not alone, and although it may sound simplistic or worse—non-empathic and cliché—it isn’t over.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• What if you were to look at all of the hard things in your life as a “Gentle redirection”? How would that shift your perspective on yourself / that situation / God?
• Where do you find hope? Where does it live or hide?
• What has been the key to you finding hope in your life?

When it’s over lay my ashes beside the ones I love
First to your mama, oh how I wanna
Tell her what a good friend she was
If she could see you now she’d smile
What else would a proud mama do?
I didn’t know what life would be without her
Oh my love I still miss you

It’s not over – just a gentle redirection
Your kindness carries me
It’s time to cut a few more trails
I’m hoping that they lead me well
Even if they don’t it’ll be OK

Drive up the hill underneath the water tower
That’s where my old man lies
I wish you could’ve seen the reach of his power
All it took was a look from his eyes
Your legacy revealed itself since you left that hospital room
A body’s only good for so many days
I crave those conversations and the life you spoke to me
You loved so hard and so many ways

Come and fill the spaces I’ve got to feel it all
I am willing to grieve if it means I can heal
I want to play the long game

A song I wrote for my wife & sang at her funeral. Ingrid Boesten (Dec. 7, 1972 – May 16, 2014) was a planter of seeds… watering dreams… bringing hope & light to those who may have lost their own.

The following months after her death, I remember having this nudge to record this tune as a way of bringing some closure… and healing… and that it was. I purposely included a bunch of special friends who also loved Ingrid to play on the record which made the process feel very special. I was especially grateful to have my friend and absolute shredder Joey Landreth (the Bros. Landreth) contribute some guitar work on this one. He and his band (the Bros. Landreth) visited our home several times while Ingrid was sick to hang, play some guitar, and eat Dutch pancakes. And honestly, it was stuff like this that allowed me and my family to feel carried through the whole process of her dying. 4 years of battling different types of cancer… and she walked us all through that with grace, confidence, and very little fear. Our people showed up… always. Random strangers would show up at our house with meal, gift cards, trip invitations, beautiful words, prayers, songs, books, time. So. Much. Love. We were and are truly carried.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• Who do you have in your life that has carried you?
• Who are YOU carrying or who have you carried through some hard times?
• Consider reaching out to someone who has carried you in the past… let them know what they meant to you and how much you appreciate them.

I’ve been taken to another land
Holding another set of hands
Wrestling with the tension of what I want
and what I’m meant to have

I’ve been wondering what it would be like
If the tracks we laid would lead a different life
Escape to where there was no time
where I would leave and have to say goodnight

Cause half of my life is now
holding on to the vows I made when I
was too young to know the power of the words I spoke but I
Know we have something cause I feel alive
when I look into your eyes
You’ve got half of my life

It’s not fair to you – the pain you’ve had to bear
When I’ve walked away with your broken-hearted stare
(that says) how could you refuse me
Do you really want to lose me – and the things we share
There comes a time when we all have to choose
Between what we have and what we have to lose
I’m curious to know is it pain that starts to show a different view
I don’t want to lose you

It’s been a hard year but we got through it
If I could take your scars you know I’d do it
I’m curious to know is it pain that starts to show a different view
I don’t want to lose you

3 years after my dad died of cancer, I had an incredibly life-like dream where I not only saw my dad, but encountered him in a way that changed my life. This song is a response to that encounter & I was fortunate enough to have an amazing videographer (Jan Vozenilek) capture this footage shot on my dad’s grave. Dedicated to my dad, my best friend, and encourager until his last breath: Henk Boesten (1948 – 2008)

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• What DOES matter to you?
• If you were in a room with everyone you’ve ever met, who would you gravitate towards and why?

When my father died
Something inside
Felt like a piece of me was torn out

I just can’t seem to find it again
Aching for the affirmation
But there’s silence and I’m left here without

CHORUS
I’m filled with emotion
I’m filled with the notion
That what matters — remains

I had a crazy dream
There in front of me
Just the way I remember him — my old man

Bright blue eyes staring right through
Everything I tried to hide he knew
(he said) “Son, don’t hide your face in your hands”

BRIDGE
Now that you know what you know
So much has been taken
How am I supposed to carry on

Why is it so encouraging to hear about other people struggling / failing? Here are a few of my own stories of how I have failed, fallen, and found hope through some profound interactions with my friends and idols.

I also am releasing this song “RESTORE” for the first time… a tune I wrote in 2006 after a visit to see Kevin Prosch in Texas where I was approached by a waitress in a pub and tempted to cheat on my wife at the time. Also loosely based on Psalm 140 / 142.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• When do you feel the most confident?
• What kind of human are you being and what are you doing to be that strong?

Listen to my cry for your mercy,
Disaster’s knocking on my door
Release me from the wounds of my prison,
I feel helpless and my spirit is poor
Freedom come and speak to my weakness
Restoration come and be my song
Chain me to the hands of your kindness
A slave to your conditionless love
You are everything You have everything I need

Come down and rescue me
Come down and rescue me
Come now and rescue me from myself (x2)
You, my God, will rescue me from myself

You will keep me from the hands of the helpless
people trying to trip my feet
Free me from the lies that I’m thinking
My heart from walking in deceit
You are everything You have everything I need

Thank you for saving me
Thank you for saving me
Thank you for saving me from myself (x2)
You, my God, have set me free from myself

One day you will restore everything
Take all my brokenness away
And I will sing, I will sing, I will sing