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Nico Boesten, CPCC | Coach

Professional Life Coach & Music Man

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Love

Are you with the right partner?

May 5, 2021 by Nico Leave a Comment

Choosing the right partner

I just dug this out of my “relationship tools” file and thought it may be a helpful perspective for anyone struggling / wrestling with this question.


During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?” The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind replied the author. Here’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner.

Choosing the right partner

You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love. People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling. Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥
CREDIT – Jepoy Pakundo

Song & Rants #8 | Gifts of Grief w/ Joshua Smith & tune “Waiting on the Day”

January 25, 2021 by Nico Leave a Comment

Have you ever lost something or someone and wondered if you’d ever be able to work through it? How does this work? What is the gift of grief?

These are some of the questions I (Nico Boesten) ask Joshua Smith, a local (Kelowna, BC) singer songwriter and friend who just released an album written about his dad who passed last year. We play a live version of “Waiting on the Day” at the end.

To hear more of Joshua Smith’s music including his latest single: http://joshuasmithsongs.com

If you’re curious about getting some coaching from Nico, reach out here: nico@nicocoaching.com

Song & Rants #1 | Love & Boundaries & Smashing Cats

July 23, 2020 by Nico Leave a Comment

Nico Boesten Personal Life Coach

A little song & rant about love, boundaries, smashing cats, when to pull the pin on a relationship, and a cover song “Thinking ’bout Love” by Wild Rivers (performed by Nico Boesten) live from “MOBY”, my beloved 1966 Avion 21′ trailer.

Curious about booking a personal coaching session with Nico? Get in touch with me here.

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